Who are you when your work does not define you?
Who are you, and what do you do?
How many times have you heard this when you meet someone new?
What was your first thought when you read it? More often than not, I find folks say:
‘I am a [X] role at company [Y]’ – sometimes “I’m a parent and work at [company]”.
It’s amazing how much identity we place in our careers, whatever they may be. It’s not a surprise; we spend most of our waking hours grinding away at the hamster wheel.
You can carry on like this blindly for years. However, sometimes work, or life does not go to plan. Global death plagues, recessions, company restructuring and so on.
So what happens when you lose your job?
You can lose your identity – your self-worth.
Not always, but it does happen. More often than we care to mention.
Since leaving my corporate career, I have reflected quite a bit on this over the years.
I also hear this a lot from my own clients who I coach, many of whom are transitioning roles or careers.
Sports Psychologists offer an interesting insight into this question.
I recently had a fascinating chat with a sport psychologist discussing this topic. She asked me;
Why do so many sport stars today have other interests like a clothes businesses etc outside of their ‘sport’ ?
I naively said, “to make more money”.
Not wrong, but also not entirely correct.
She told me that sports professionals are actively encouraged to take up interests outside of their chosen sport (their ‘work’) so that when their sports career ends, whether it be forced through injury or just because they have reached the end of their career. They have something to fall back on. And in doing so, avoid a potential mental health spiral when the ‘work’ that has defined them for so long is no longer.
I am no longer a cricketer, rugby player, swimmer, a sport, a career that has dominated my life for as long as I can remember.
What do I do now?
Their whole identity and lens on their world are through their sport. Their ‘work’.
Key questions left unanswered are like gaping wounds;
Who am I?
- Where do I belong?
- What do I stand for?
- What is important to me?
- Who are my people?
And unless addressed, they can become toxic to individuals and those closest to them.
I find Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a useful framework for framing these questions. You start from the bottom and work up. Some people mistake focusing on the Esteem and self-actualisation tiers (Instagram lovers, take note!) without securing the lower tiers, especially ‘love and belonging’.
If this is a standard practice in sports psychology for professional athletes, why not for professionals at ‘work work’?
Why aren’t more employees coached on the holistic premise that we work to live, not live to work? A mentally strong, happy employee is a productive team member. If they are secure in their non-work life, then they will be stronger in their work life.
Fundamental questions that can un-lock these insights might be…
- One day this will end; what next?
- Who are you when your work does not define you?
- Who are your people outside of work?
If your self-worth is based on what you do and not who you are, it can have negative consequences on your sense of self and belonging, when what you do is no longer.
What is your experience here? I’m keen to hear from you all.
